Noe’s Comics Nook: Nervosa

Review

Nervosa is a gut-wrenchingly honest memoir about anorexia nervosa that follows creator Hayley Gold from her pre-teen years up through her decision to start writing her experiences down (so, basically, until present-day give or take a few years). Throughout the comic, we see Gold navigating school, family dynamics, and her own inner life all the while subject to institutionalization and medical care that range from helpful in the short-term to (in this reader’s view) more harmful than non-treatment would’ve been.

In the early parts of the comic, we learn a great deal about anorexia through Gold’s experiences in various doctor’s offices, including a darkly humorous “Anorexia for Dummies” section. Interspersed with this harder information is her and some of her fellow patients’ understanding of their own manifestation of the condition and their relationship with food, body, and identity. Later on, in a bit of fourth-wall-breaking, Hayley remarks, “So, Stupid Reader, I’ve made it so you too can only see underneath. To tell if I’m “sick or “better,” you have to listen to my words. God knows, you’d be the first to.” This marks the beginning of our seeing two Hayley’s, the outer one, who no one would ever describe as “fat,” and the inner one, who couldn’t help but see things through this lens, and when we are first introduced to them it is because, “thoughts of college were making me grow fat inside…”. It is this inner voice, this underneath, this character of the Night (always colored in a dusk-like blue) who points out the harm caused to Hayley. It is this image who often holds a glue gun (a desired object, forbidden in her childhood because of parental fear of harm) and uses that glue gun to inflict pain on those who have harmed her – quite often, this is the doctors in her life.

Color plays a major role in Nervosa, with blues representing her inner life, green indicating social spaces, where she is truly interacting with those on the page, and even uncommon bits of red (or pink – I have trouble distinguishing sometimes) to represent a past self. These colors also play a role in the struggle to reconcile the past, the present, and even the possibility of a future that Gold describes. This feeling of being stuck, of the future being an impossible choice, is something anyone living with chronic illness, not just anorexia, will likely identify with. I know this sense of timelessness, of losing control, is one I faced when my nerve pain was at its worst.

As much as this is a comic about a specific medical condition and its effects, it is also a stunning indictment against some of our most powerful medical systems and the indifference they can produce. In a sequence near the end of the comic, when Gold is seeking help, again, for neuropathy and osteoporosis (with a dash of late onset puberty), we witness this interaction on page 201:

Staff: “Yes, last time you were in such bad shape.”

Hayley: “But I’m in more pain now. It’s ruined my life – I can’t enjoy a walk or even sit through a movie.”

Hayley to inner self: “All they see are the numbers. All they see is the outside.”

Inner self: “Yeah, yeah, people are stupid, we already established that.”

Staff: “You must feel so much better!”

Hayley: “I just said five seconds ago that I do not!”

Failure to listen, failure to see the whole person, failure to offer kindness – these are all on full display for much of the comic. These are things that we in the graphic medicine community are constantly rallying against, that we know has taken over so much of our healthcare systems. We can only hope that by sharing these experiences, by getting students and practitioners and administrators to understand that we need a system that puts people first, before disease, before profit, that things may change.

I want to make clear that this book, clearly, includes many difficult themes, among them eating disorders, medical force, sexual violence, and discussions of suicide. I’ve listed the age group for this title as high school plus, sixteen plus, and I stand by that despite these heavy topics. Teenagers are – as is clear from the comic itself – facing these very issues and the adults in their lives should not shy away from discussing them or making books about them difficult to access. As always, a suggested lesson is included below, but should you decide to use this book in class, please make sure students are provided with mental health resources and support alongside it.

Nervosa is a powerful statement that Hayley Gold does exist as Somebody and I think that is an important feeling any reader will identify with, whether they have had similar painful experiences or not.

Elements of Story

Plot: While growing up, Hayley develops anorexia and throughout her young life, faces struggle after struggle to keep it in check – ultimately resulting in multiple long-term hospital stays, in environments that may not be designed to actually help.

Characters: Hayley, Vivian (Mom), Jeff (Dad), numerous doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals, other patients of the clinics

Major Settings: Gold Residence, Hayley’s apartment, Westchester clinic, Manhattan

Themes: Eating disorders, medicine, mental health, dysfunction, resilience, hope

Lesson Plan Idea Using Common Core Standards (CCS) CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.RL.11-12.3 – Analyze the impact of the author’s choices regarding how to develop and relate elements of a story or drama (e.g., where a story is set, how the action is ordered, how the characters are introduced and developed).

Directions: Nervosa is a gut-wrenchingly honest memoir about the creator’s life living with anorexia, the often cruel or indifferent response by the world and healthcare systems, and the consequences that follow. Throughout the comic, Gold uses a variety of comics techniques to tell their story and to emphasize emotions, attitudes, and the experience of time.

For this assignment, students should identify one of these techniques, describe it generally and provide specific details about its employment in Nervosa, and then provide a close reading of an example of why this particular technique is so powerful in Nervosa. Examples to consider may include the use of color, the flow of panel arrangements, visual metaphors, and so on. Students should expect to submit an assignment of 4 to 5 pages in length. Teachers may want to consider using one or more of the videos linked on this Fresno State Library Libguide in class as part of the build up to this assignment. Students will need to be familiar with the language of comics to succeed here after all.